My Journey of Recovery
In 2008 my life was filled with years of work, good friends, two great kids and a passion for triathlon which led me to earn All American at the ½ Ironman Triathlon distance. From the outside you would guess that I had it all, but - even surrounded by all this good fortune - I always felt that it was not enough, and had regular bouts of depression and stress.
Then I paralyzed my right leg. As far as I was concerned, this meant losing what I loved, who I thought I was, and an identity that I was desperate to hold onto.
At the beginning of my journey to recovery, my negative thoughts grew and grew as I avoided making necessary changes to my life. I acted confident and strong to everyone around me, but inside I felt scared and lost. Which, inevitably, led to depression and thoughts of suicide.
Still trying to hold onto my old identity, I completed an/the(?) Ironman Tritahlon not even 3 years after first paralyzing my leg. While a fantastic accomplishment, chasing this goal was not what I truly needed. I continued to wear the mask of “being okay”, while feeling constant stress and fear.
I never asked for help. Walking through life with my eyes shut tight.
In 2017, I was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and told I was less than a year away from a wheelchair. I sought other opinions from other experts, all of whom only confirmed this grim prognosis - as well as my fears.
Finally I realized that it was up to me to ask for help. Over time I discovered that my MS diagnosis would actually be one of the greatest gifts I’d ever received, because it woke me up to what was truly important:
Me.
As I spent more time looking inward, I also learned how to love myself for who I am. I discovered how to believe "I am enough", and how my compulsive attachment to my old identity was holding me back from taking control of the disease. Holding me back from living the life I want.
Once I opened my eyes to the beauty and joy of my life, instead of accomplishments or prestige, I started to experience life as the joy it is. I began studying and exploring how to control MS and limit its symptoms. Which foods help me thrive (and which can worsen my symptoms), along with meditation and breath work to calm my nervous system and decrease my stress.
I live daily the power of Food-as-Medicine, and the calm that comes from sitting quietly. Exercise that is balanced. Love that gives from an open heart, and a total awareness of who I am.
Today I am proud to share that I live symptom-free and have begun reversing the damage MS caused.
